Sunday, October 13, 2013


My beloved mother passed away a few weeks ago and its been very hard on me. I have been close to my mom all my life and for the last 6 years I've been her primary caregiver every day for her numerous illnesses, hospital and ER stays, overseer of her medications, doctor visits and "captain" to direct the other team of caregivers we had 24/7 (especially the last 2 years). I was with her almost to the very end as she spent her final days at home on Hospice. She was so happy to be home and hugged and kissed me me everyday to show how grateful she was to me and my family for making it happen. 

I had been in this situation before as I also helped to care for my dying father at home (also on Hospice 2 years ago) and saw him 45 minutes before he died. Hospice is not for the faint of heart as it can be difficult and gut wrenching to see your loved one in terrible pain, smelling the odor of incontinence, changing and washing sheets and bed clothing, maintaining equipment for feeding tubes etc., the constant diligence of dispensing the medications on a strict schedule, and hearing the constant swooshing sound of the oxygen machine pumping life- giving breath to lungs that are tired and want to give up. Yes, it was hard to see my once beautiful, vibrant, energetic, steel willed "force of nature" mother finally surrender to a septic infection that finally stilled her loving, beating heart. But I would do it all again for my last living memory of her, several days before she died, was her arms reaching out to me hugging me in a final embrace of thanks.

Her name was Aurora and we laid to rest our "Sleeping Beauty" on a warm and cloudless blue sky day. At her funeral as the mourners surrounded my mother's lavender steel casket, under the sheltered pavilion by the mausoleum gardens at St. Peter and Paul Cemetery, several of my friends remarked how all of a sudden the wind kicked up around us like a small whirlwind when it had been calm only moments before. I only smiled knowing that that whirlwind was my mom. This was only the first of many signs I would notice in the coming days of my mom's spirit being close by.(In my previous blog on "Spirit Messengers" I mentioned that I discovered a large moth in her laundry room the day after she died).

This past Friday, my mom's dear friend, Sister Clare called to check up on me and find out how I was doing. She had to tell me of her experience she had during the mass for Christian burial we had for my mom. Sister was sitting with several other nuns away from the family designated pews and wasn't sitting near anyone close, but told me she smelled very strongly "White Diamonds" the perfume my mother always wore and that she felt my mother's presence next to her.

I then told her of my own strange experience in the family limo during the funeral procession. I was wearing a high necked blouse with a jacket (Asian design with a butterfly painted on it) and one necklace of a jeweled butterfly and another plain long gold chain that was my mother's. I happened to look down at my blouse and saw that my mom's gold chain was gone. I started to panic and looked around the limo. I touched my neck and found to my relief that the chain somehow was inside my blouse! It was bizarre. There was no way this could happen unless you physically (and with some difficulty) stuff the chain inside the blouse. Sister Clare's response was said with a laugh,"I think your mom did that". She was right. That would be something funny my mother would do to break up the sadness of that day.

This past week there have been flickering light bulbs following me where ever I am in a room or closet. At first my son thought it could be a wiring malfunction in our house or the light bulbs had to be changed or tightened. No, we checked and it wasn't any of those. Only the faintest of flickers but persistent nevertheless. Is that you mom?

In researching for this blog there is truth to these visits from the deceased. Many times, the Dead visit the living right after their passing as the spirit still has many ties to the world of the living. Often, recently deceased people travel to those they have attachments to, appearing as uncommonly solid and real apparitions to living dreamers. These visits are often a way for the Dead to say farewell to those still on the material plane so they can let go and gain entry into the spirit world. These visits tend to be intensely felt, and are often very comforting to the living. How timely this information was for me.
Yesterday, Saturday only 2 weeks since we buried my mom I went into a bag with the last article of clothing she wore-her favorite lavender warm up jacket(she was always cold even in the summer). It still had the small stain of vanilla ice cream on it- the last thing she ever ate. It also smelled of her neck and her White Diamonds perfume. I just burst into tears. I couldn't bear to wash this yet. I placed that jacket next to me last night on a pillow before I fell to sleep. Then it happened. Sometime during the night my mother visited me. There seemed to be a gathering or party with people and my mother was off in the distance. Then she was just within arms length and with a big smile and looking like she did 25 years ago she said, "There you are Honey, I'm so glad to see you, I've missed you". We ran into each others arms and I could fell the physical pressure of her embrace. It lingered for a long time and I felt so happy. She showed me a garden room that was so beautiful and said she and my dad were there and then the dream ended.

As I said in my final words for my mom's Eulogy, "Ciao, Mom, I'll see you in my dreams." I woke up this morning with tears in my eyes but forever grateful for her loving visit. Ciao, Mom!

No comments :

Post a Comment